According to Sydney Morning Herald sports columnist Richard Hinds:
1. When they are in auto wrecks, Americans call a lawyer. Australians call an ambulance.
2. Americans put on 46 pounds of protective equipment to play football. Concussion is part of the scoring system in Australian football.
3. Despite urban decay, the collapse of family values and the past 14 White House administrations, Americans still believe they live in the best country in the world. Despite their clean cities and easygoing lifestyles, Australians still believe the Americans.
4. America has a vast nuclear armoury. Australia has a promising archery team.
5. America has a public holiday for an assassinated civil rights leader. Australia has one for a horse race [the Melbourne Cup].
6. Americans declare their domestic sports teams ‘world champions.’ Australians figure you probably need to clear customs to do that.
7. America has a flourishing arts, entertainment and sports industry. Australia [well, Rupert Murdoch] owns it.
8. America can boast political leaders of the caliber of Al Gore and George W. Bush. Australia can boast that America has political leaders of the caliber of Al Gore and George W. Bush.
9. The word ‘irony’ appears in the Australian dictionary.
10. America kicked out the English in 1776. Two hundred and three years later, Australia voted to keep them because we weren’t so sure about replacing Queen Elizabeth with Olivia Newton John on the coins.